I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize