so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
