I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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