life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
