my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
