He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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