you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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