I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
