Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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