Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
