She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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