I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
