The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
