Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
