why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
