The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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