It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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