I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
