The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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