my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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