It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
