Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
