Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
then he tried to convert me to islam
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
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