so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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