You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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