writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
