first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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