After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
