when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
