I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
