I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
