She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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