I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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