I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
