He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
