shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
