i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
