I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
