then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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