i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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