when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize