he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
