I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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