How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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