i don't like sucking hair
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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