just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
