you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
