Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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