Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
