I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the condom got lost in my hair
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Randomize
