I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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