Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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