I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
