A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize