why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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