U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
