we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
