A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
