I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
