I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
