I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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