why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
