Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
