She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
ok first of all what the fuck
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
