for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
