your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
