I got chris browned last night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
