Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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