My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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