Ambien. No doubt about it.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
