thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize