I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my being single is dangerous.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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