The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
