She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
