Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
