4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
