If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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