I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
